Ray Kurzweil's Keynote Address

It was recently announced that the keynote speaker at this year's Second Life Community Convention will be none other than transhumanist spokesbeing Ray Kurzweil. While Ray's talks can be rather visionary and erudite, I've been told by a confidential source that he was asked to "tone it down a bit" so the bondage bed salesmen could enjoy it too. And he's complied, judging by this advanced copy my source gave me. So enjoy the preview, and I'll see you at the show!

Good evening ladies, gentlemen, and those of you that have evolved beyond your fleshy cages and embraced the liquid unity of the Rosendale Poly-Mind.
(Pause for Laughter)


I just flew in from the scarlet pyramid of the Eastern Seaboard Fission Authority, and boy are my arms tired!
(Pause for Laughter. If laughter goes on too long, wave hands magnanimously.)


I'm Ray Kurzweil, a futurist, a technologist, and an inventor. I helped Al Gore create the Internet. Just kidding. I did that by myself.

Al is more responsible for global warming. That's the number one export from Washington D.C., you know. Hot air!
(Wait for Laughter. If laughter persists, blow nose loudly. If it continues, fake heart attack, Red Foxx style, until standing ovation ceases completely.)


Thank you, thank you. Please take your seats. I'm doing my part to fight global warming, though. I invented something I call the Kurzweil Virtual Solar Panel.

Just slap a few of those babies on your Second Life Segway and the utility companies will never bother you again!

That's right, now you can live off the grid while on the grid!
(Wait for Laughter. If no one laughs, become angry and leave.)



But all kidding aside, I am here to deliver an important, in fact remarkable message.
(Thump podium dramatically.)


Ladies. Gentlemen. Podcasters. The Singularity is Here.
(Pause for gasps of shock and surprise.)


How do I know this?
(Continue in a hushed whisper.)


Because an SL bots has passed the Turing Test.
(Pause for more gasps of shock and surprise. If no one gets the significance, pound the podium and let loose a primal scream.)


Let me explain. I was on the Mainland in my Ramona the Pop-Star avatar, fending off some podcasters who were demanding that I do voice with them, when suddenly this avatar came up to me and said, "I built a bot that can past the Turing Test."

I was like, "No Way." And she -- her name was Kanomi, and I think she was a she, but I was too excited by her claims to go into voice chat to verify her gender -- she said, "Yes way."


So we went to her secret laboratory and she introduced me to two more people, Tweedledeee and Tweedledum. Both looked like the old, moronic default male avatar, you know, the one preferred by M Linden.

Anyway, she said, "One of these avatars is a human being. And one is a script. Go ahead and talk to them, and tell me which one is real, and which one is the bot."

I said, "You're on, Ms. Pikajuna," and proceeded to interrogate them. Here is a transcript.



Ramona Hugsalot: Hello, how are you?
Tweedledee: Yo beeeetch!
Tweedledum: R u a g1rl 4 reallzz?!

Ramona Hugsalot: How is the weather where you are?
Tweedledee: You got to rizzle before you shizzle!
Tweedledum: UR teh HOt, do u want 2 sexors???!

Ramona Hugsalot: What can you tell me about the Turing Test?
Tweedledee: HOOOWLLZZ!!!!
Tweedledum: Everyboty make some noize!


It goes on like that for eight more, grueling hours, but I think you get the idea. I simply could not distinguish between a human moron and a chatbot programmed to sound like a bling-tard. I acknowledged Ms. Pikajuna's programmatic prowess and was forced to admit her bot passed the Turing Test.

And once the Test has been passed, as I wrote in my book The Singularity Is Near (available on Amazon.com, and if you brought a copy I'll be happy to autograph it for 500 Lindens), that means the Singularity is no longer Near, it is Here.

So what does that mean? It means a lot of change as we enter the post-human era.

For starters, we will no longer have any use for Las Vegas-style stage magicians.

In the future, we will all be able to pull rabbits out of our own hats. And if we don't want to pull rabbits out of hats, we can pull them out of our boots.

And they needn't be rabbits. They might be ducks. They might be wallabies. That choice is up to us.

Are you ready to make that choice with me?
(Pause for standing ovation.)


Thank, thank you very much. Enjoy the Convention. I'll be at the bar, getting fucked up on Romulan Ale.

The Chair Looks Nice

"Um, the chair looks nice -- how do I sit?"


Like a catchy hook to a good novel, that question kicked off an entertaining, hour-long discussion at this weekend's Sunday Salon. Featured this week was Robert J. Sawyer, a futurist, science fiction writer, and a man with a PC incapable of entering the metaverse:

"Forgive my lousy typing; I'm using my wife's computer with an unfamiliar, ergonomic keyboard."

Fortunately for Robert, the crowd was warm and accommodating, with one eager young man rushing onto the stage to demonstrate that metaversal chairs are quite ergonomic and can, in fact, be sat upon, metaphorically at least.

After a moment Sawyer did manage this vital act, thus ensuring himself protection from being sent into orbit in a manner not of his choosing. This preludatory posterior planting was greeted with a polite smattering of applause.

Sawyer's in-world name "SF Writer" matches that of his website, www.sfwriter.com -- hey, he's got that branding thing down! -- and he was there primarily to talk about his Hugo Award-nominated book, Rollback.

Much to my surprise, Rollback is not a story about a Linden Labs server upgrade gone horribly awry, but has something to do with space aliens and the Canadian healthcare system. I guess there's no medical insurance on Zeta Reticuli, so they're all coming to earth for life-extending anal probings.

The discussion kicked off with Sawyer's take on the Extropian movement. Now since most of my regular readers are probably not familiar with the fascinating nuances of transhumanist and futurist discourse but are here instead for red hot tgirl porn, I will spare you the definitions and direct you to this Gilbert and Sullivan version of Kurzweilism instead.

The gist of Sawyer's plaint seems to be that, you know, wishing like a child upon a star doesn't make it so:

[2008/04/06 12:28] Sophrosyne Stenvaag: Rob, you speak of the coming decades as "the age of miracle and wonder" - yet seem to disagree with the notion of a technological singularity - can you nuance your views of what's ahead for us?
[2008/04/06 12:28] SF Writer: Yeah, I was on a panel about that with Vernor Vinge at a conference in Florida last month. See, I like Ray Kurzweil and all, but there's a fair bit of arm-waving. Moore's law isn't coming to an end, he says, because, well somehow we'll find a way around the limitations. And so on... that's like saying we've managed to go faster and faster every year so the speed of light can't be a barrier.

Yes! Thank you!

Next came a forty-five minute digression into how many transistors can fit on the head of a pin, accompanied by optimistically blithe statements about releasing Von Neumann nanobots into the atmosphere to create a self-replicating, sentient cloud computer that will solve the energy crisis, end world hunger, and reverse the heat death of the universe -- all laudable goals, to be sure, but just not going to happen when the fraudulent kleptocracies that rule this planet with blood and fear will turn any Wintermute baked up in their Strangelovian bunkers into yet another instrument of Neorwellian oppression upon which to stomp upon faces, transhuman or otherwise, forever.

Such dreariness aside, it wasn't until the close of the lecture that things were put back on track by a nimble-fingered nympho with a heart of gold:

[2008/04/06 13:35] Kanomi Pikajuna: Robert, as a futurist you are a connoisseur of technology and savvy to upcoming trends. So what do you think I should be -- blonde, brunette or redhead?
[2008/04/06 13:35] SF Writer: "Um, the hair looks nice -- how do I sit?"

Speaking of Rollbacks and leather boots, I was at another meeting today where a Linden mentioned that this weekend's server outages were so bad that, "Even Phil was up at nasty hours trying to straighten things out with the ISPs"!

Phight the good phight, Phil! just like last time, we's got pictors. Thanks to Soph for another wonderful Salon, and be sure to visit her site where the official transcript will magically appear. See you at the next one -- and David Brin, if you're reading this: I will give you 1,000 Lindens if you show up with Prim Hair!

POSTSCRIPT: Nobody told me David Brin was bald! :o






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