Ask a Second Life Bling Tard

Dear Second Life Bling Tard,

I think my SL boyfriend has a problem. He is more interested in his combat roleplay than he is in spending time with me. He is part of the Space Marines group and they spend a lot of time building, simming, and making new weapons and of course battles. It barely leaves any time for him to cuddle his kittycat! Mew! What should I do?

-- Pajamacat Springfield

Bring da noise! Dat's right! Rock it boyz and girlz! Put your hands up! Put your hands up! All right! This club ROCKS! You peeps r the greatest! Give me some HOWLZ!!! Wooooo! Hoowwwwl! party like a rock star!

Dear Second Life Bling Tard,

I just bought my first land here in Second Life. It's a nice little plot of 512 square meters. I put on it a new house on it that I made. Anyway my problem is my neighbors. They have put up the most ugly texture I ever seen it is animated and glowing and it hurts my eyes. I am afraid to file a report though what if the lindens say I am filing a false report I don't want to get banned. But this texture slows my pc it is very ugly.

-- Merry Masonry

Click my butt for the dance. Yeah hit the chim! Lets go come on every body! Say word! WORD! Come on tp in your friends and enemies 2! This party is just getting started! Did I hear a hell yeah? I cant hear you. Did I hear a HELL YEAH? That's what I'm talking about!

Dear Second Life Bling Tard,

Lately I find myself going to some of the shemale clubs in Second Life. The girls there are really hot, I mean same as the other girls, but just the thought of a little secrets hidden up in their panties, I don't know something about it just kind of excites me. Does this mean I'm gay?

-- Confused in Connecticut

Motha fukkas say word! We are going to dance until dawn! Woot! Woot! Let's get your hands in the air! Give it up for our fabulous DJ Spinner33, he's got hip hop up the yip yop! Put yo hands up for our dancers 2, ladyKay and Michaelmostest. MAKE SOME NOISE DOGS!!!

Coolguy25 is a syndicated columnist whose weekly advice column, "Ask A Second Life Bling Tard," is published in such diverse and respected publications as Stars and Stripes and the Second Life Herald.

:]

New Advertising Slogans for SL

We have received a leaked memo from an insider in Linden Lab, informing us that new CEO M Linden plans to replace the current slogan Your World, Your Imagination with something snappier.

According to our source, here are the leading contenders...

• Try it again, we fixed it
• Come Camp With Us
• Listen to your Inner Perv
• The un-Warcraft
• Some of Our Best Women Are Men
• Let your PC do the walking
• Random ugly shit
• Log in, turn on, lag out
• Existence is suffering
• Please don't squeeze the Excite-scripted bottoms
• When you absolutely, positively have to grief
• Strong enough for a man, but gentle enough for a fur
• Can you hear me now? No.
• We're like eBay + Match.com for the Sims!
• 50,000 Catgirls Can't Be Wrong
• Imaginary clothes for real people

and the winner...

• Hey guys! Now you can fake an orgasm too!

Tiny Dancing Events Calendar For May

As part of our ongoing commitment to bring you the best coverage possible of the metaverse, we are pleased to offer you our editors' choices for the most interesting and most important events for May.

Office Hours

May, TBD, the Organic Temple of Mephisto

New CEO "M Linden" shall briefly dignify the world with his presence when he deigns fit. Although he shall be AFK during this time, your beseeching, lamenting, and teeth-gnashing shall be logged, and one Wish shall be granted to the petitioner who is most humble and pleasing to the infernal majesty of His ears.

Click for SLURL

Cinco de Mayo

May 5, all day, Isla del Sol Sim

To celebrate the young Republic of Mexico's victory over an invading French army at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, avatar Homer Delgado is giving away exploding piñata boobs.

Click for SLURL

Sigmund Freud's Birthday

May 6, all day, Vienna Institute for International Freudianism

Get coked up and come on down! The Institute is submitting free chatbot psychoanalysis all month long, plus complimentary Archetype Pipes for the guys and for you girls, naughty Freudian Slips are half off.

Click for SLURL

"Hill-blazers" Whistle Stop

May 11, 9 PM, Club Cherri Red

Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton will make a surprise appearance at Club Cherri Red in order to shore up the base among her core constituency: transgendered online prostitutes. Photography will not be permitted except on the provided "shaking hands" poseballs please.

Click for SLURL

Best Catgirl Marathon

May 1 - 31, Black Box Nightclub

The Black Box Nightclub will be holding 744 back-to-back one hour "Best Catgirl" competitions for a grand prize of $500L. Catcalls, caterwauling and catfights will not be permitted except in the specially marked catbox. Mew! ^n_n^

Click for SLURL

^__^